Mother gets deceived by late husband and is left out of his will, daughter tries to get her into therapy but her aunt tells her she doesn't need it: 'She told me to mind my own business'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 23, 2025 7:00 AM EST

There comes a moment in everyone's life when someone we thought we knew well shows us their true colors. Someone convinces us they're one person and they turn out to be someone else. Someone we think is earnestly befriending us just wants to use us as a means to an end. Someone promises us something that they never keep.  We count on a person because they told us we could, and then, in a moment of need, they let us down. When this happens, it can be an utter betrayal of trust. It can also feel completely embarrassing. How did we let someone fool us in this way? How did we not see it before? How can we prevent it from happening again?

Sometimes, these people don't reveal their ulterior motives until they're already beyond the grave. One woman watched her mother go through that when her late husband promised to leave her in the will but didn't give her a cent after he passed. This woman asked Reddit for advice on what to do. The situation is really complicated, so read her story carefully to get the full picture and think about what you might do if you had these circumstances.

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    via Katsiaryna Endruszkiewicz
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    My mom was betrayed by her late husband in the most awful way. They'd been married for 26 years. She had taken care of him in the last 7 years of his life when he needed to be in a wheelchair and had various illnesses. He had
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    and had various illnesses. He had made promises to her about being buried together, what she'd be left from his estate and he lied about it all. He chose to be buried with his first wife and never even made legal plans to change his wishes. He also left mostly everything to his children who are from that first marriage.
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    To give some more insight. My mom was a single mom to me when she met her husband. His kids were older and he'd been widowed for several years. My mom and I moved in with him and they appeared very happy together. Both worked. He was a decent guy in my eyes. His kids
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    decent guy in my eyes. His kids weren't all that happy about him remarrying but they were civil even if it always appeared forced. My mom accepted he'd always love his first wife, supported it even and a couple of photos of the first wife moved into the home they bought together over a decade ago. My mom helped
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    a decade ago. My mom helped him maintain the grave after he became unable to. She was always supportive of him and there.
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    They had talked about everything and originally he was supposed to be buried with his first wife. But he told my mom a few times in the last 8 years that he'd had a change of heart and had amended his wishes to state otherwise. He had mentioned her
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    otherwise. He had mentioned her being taken care of and that while his kids would still be left well off he would also make sure she was too. He told her he was so thankful for her.
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    And when he did his wishes became known. He'd altered his wishes several times before he di d. But never once did he put into writing that he wanted to be buried in a plot with my mom.
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    Actually he flowered up the wording of his wishes to be buried with his first wife. My mom got his share of the house they owned together and the things she had gifted him in the marriage and that was it. He had
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    marriage and that was it. He had a decent amount of money, and the original house they lived in and that he lived in with his first wife. That went to the kids and his other assets and everything sentimental to him.
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    In a letter he left for my mom he described her as a decent companion and someone who made his final years less lonely until he could return to the woman he loved most in the world.
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    My mom was shattered by everything. It would be one thing if he'd never made her any promises and hadn't made it seem like he loved her truly and loved her as a wife and that she was more than just companionship. My husband and I are doing our best to support her. She's got our kids too so she has family around her but she needs help.
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    I got her to agree to help from a therapist but my aunt, her sister, said she doesn't need therapy. She had bad experiences with widowed men in the past who she dated and she acts like my mom just needs to forget about it like it's that easy. She said widowed
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    it's that easy. She said widowed men are always bad news and my mom should have known he'd never give up the late wife for her. She told me to mind my own business when I was helping my mom find a therapist. I lost my
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    mom find a therapist. I lost my temper with my aunt and told her that all her past experiences were of shorter relationships that never lasted more than a couple of years, not over 25 years of marriage. I said she needed to
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    marriage. I said she needed to get the f over herself and accept people are allowed to have feelings and how ashamed she should be that she's not doing more to support her sister.
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    My aunt told me I was doing too much and had no right to speak to her in such a way and minimize what she went through. AITA?
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    via Janine Meuche
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    NTA. Your mom went through something incredibly painful, and you're just trying to support her. Your aunt acting like it's "just how widowed men are" is dismissive and unhelpful.
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    Her personal experiences don't justify downplaying your mom's feelings or discouraging therapy. You were right to call her out, even if you lost your temper. She's the one making it about herself instead of supporting her sister.
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    Hey OP, standing ovation This feels like when my bachelor brother with no kids of his own tries to give me marriage/parenting advice. Makes you want to scream at them to STFU.
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    Be your mom's guard dog. and help her get therapy. Aunt comes around, you become the buffer until your mom is emotionally strong enough to tell sister herself to STFU. Therapy and family support. are the priorities. Good luck and Godspeed.
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    NTA Good for you for standing up to her. She has NO IDEA what your mother is going through!
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    Your aunt's perspective is understandable, but I think it's important to support your mom during this difficult time. Therapy can be a huge help and it sounds like you're doing the right thing by encouraging her to seek it out
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    I think your mom's husband was incredibly cruel calling her a companion after all those years and lying to her... You are a good son
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    Your mom was with him a very long time. I think k she is entitled to some of the money he earned while they were together. Consult an estate or probate lawyer to see if anything can be done
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    Personally i'm a firm believer in calling out people on behaviour, especially when they're hurting someone you love. NTA Op, your mothers late husband was a complete and getting your mother therapy is a good idea
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    NTA. Tell your aunt if she can't say anything nice she should just remain quiet. My heart breaks for your mom.
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    NTA. But nothing is wrong with leaving the bulk of his assets to his kids, securing generational wealth. Any assets he leaves for his wife will be passed to you, who is not his child. Too many people screw their kids over for their step kids. The only thing that he is at fault for is telling your mother that he no longer wants to be buried with his first wife.
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    NTA. Your mom needs to get in therapy but also needs to consult an attorney... she may still have rights in this case
    via Weird-Adeptness4795

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family drama aita therapy reddit story husband widow aunt family sister reddit thread Reddit
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